Tragic

I realized that most of us see "Tragedy" as something that happens suddenly and rips into our lives in such a way that it is labeled as "tragic", but another form of tragedy can simply be an un-lived life. The person who either spends their life struggling with their inner demons without ever conquering them, or the person who avoids the struggle altogether and loses themselves in some activity or lifestyle and never even scratches the surface of their life's potential.

That, to me, may be the greatest tragedy. I can find many examples, but one came to mind about a man they called, "Burro" Schmidt, who spent almost his entire life digging a tunnel through Copper Mountain. http://burroschmidttunnel.org/burroschmidt.html
I can't imagine that upon his death, he felt satisfied with the path he chose for his life. Although he actually finished the tunnel and saw daylight, this "success" was for nothing. He didn't do anything with it. I feel like this is tragic and that there must be a level of inner tragedy that this man dealt with.

The same can be said for the drug addict that never gets clean, or the lonely housewife who loses herself in her family and has a life overshadowed with guilt, resentment and "what-ifs". This can be true for the ones who stifle their artistic creativity out of fear or feeling obligated to conform to a more "realistic" idea of how to live. Or the workaholic who spends their life chasing money and material possessions to later realize they are dying alone and unhappy, wishing that they did things differently.

I don't remember who said it, but I believe the quote is, "Don't be afraid of dying, be afraid of the unlived life."

Awake

He ran like the wind through the dense fog desperately

trying to escape from himself. Faster and faster until the world became a blur in his mind.

Finding no comfort in a state of disillusionment, he collapsed upon himself in an inward

convulsion of emotion.

Choking on the past and gasping for salvation upon the alter of self destruction, he noticed the lifeless shell within. It cracked and crumbled in a heap of frustrated agony at his feet. Tearing apart the memories of what was, and clouding what could be.

While he lay drinking in the salt of his tears, the visions flipped through his mind like a maddening display of chaotic animation.

This all too familiar feeling of confusion plagued his mind and demanded his attention.

He averted his eyes from the light of self resurrection and continued to bleed tears of pity.

Knowing that his only hope was to renew the vow of redemption and lift himself from the shadows, his spirit awoke to the sound of desperation.

Slowly pouring vitality into the glass of his humanity, and drying the salt from his tears.

Awakened and seeing through eyes of clarity, that from within became his saviour. Saved from himself, by himself was the irony that cracked a smile on his lips as he spoke the word, "...Awake..."

by Paul Graham, 11/4/2001

Write Something #1

"Just write something," I told myself. "Anything at all."

So I did just that. I wrote "something" and you're reading that "something" right now.

I often wonder why the creativity in us is left to rot in some dark corner of our minds until we hardly remember that we ever had the creative spark to begin with. There is so much of ourselves wasted on the daytoday mundane "life" that we all try so hard to "live", but are we really living? Hardly...We're convinced that creativity is an activity to be performed between the hours of ten pm and one am and d sometimes on the weekends,. That our true gifts are only a hobby, to be entertained "when we have time" as a leftover to our "real" lives. Why is this so? Why are we lost in this in this paradox of spiritual evolution? I wish I had the answers . Somehow we've created a world that doesn't promote creativity as a primary purpose. One must work hard at a job to make a living and pay the bills. Then maybe, just maybe he'll have enough time and/or energy to actually make something with his life.

Yet, here I am, clicking away at my keyboard on a Monday evening, trying to type with my eyes completely closed in an effort to "create" something...anything really. How am I doing so far?...I do feel good that I actually am typing something other than a proposal, or marketing fluff or even a simple email.

I am a writer....I keep telling myself as an affirmation so taht the reality becomes truer each day.s it's working, cuz here I am....writing. Not a novel, or even a short story, but words are flowing from my fingertips as my mind allows thought to pour from my nerves into this PC. Amazing when you break it down to it's simplest form. I think, therefore I am...I think, therfore I write.

Who knows, this may be the first of many blog/journal entries that I write over the next few months. Did I mention that my eyes are completely closed this enterir time? You can probably tell by my terrible spelling and awful typos. But who's coutning?

Until next time.....this is Paul, and I just wrote something.

By Paul Graham 5/23/2011